Endo is a Bitch

So far today I've taken a prenatal vitamin, 2 evening primrose oil, 1 black cohosh, 4 ibuprofen, 2 naproxen, and to cap the evening off 1 vicodin. Another lovely (surprise) start to another cycle. I suppose the silver lining would be this didn't occur on Christmas Day, as it should have in theory. I sooo do not want to go to work tomorrow, but I don't have a choice. I'm not even going to begin to explain the idiotic policies my employer has regarding absences, so I'll just leave it at I don't have a choice about working.

Every time a new cycle starts I get angry and depressed for a little while. I know it's probably hormones. I just get angry, sad, and frustrated about having endo. I worry that when J is finally ready to start a family it will take a while for us. I don't know if it is just the endo or something else going on, but my body has been "off" for over six years now and it is just disheartening when I think about trying to conceive with my unpredictable body. At the age I am now even if we timed things perfectly there is only a 20% chance of conceiving during any given cycle. I didn't help put my mind at ease any when I looked up fertility statistics based on a woman's age. According to statistics I'm already past my peak, great!

I know I should focus on the happier statistics, it's just hard sometimes, especially when hormones come into play. On a happier note though, I think J is starting to come around about having a child. I've wanted a family for a long time, but J was not ready to be a parent. We had agreed on starting to try for a family during our trip to Japan in April, but then J changed his mind (for the millionth time). Well about 2 weeks ago we saw the movie Despicable Me. It's a cute cartoon about a supervillian who becomes a dad to 3 orphan girls. After the movie we were heading to bed when J stopped and said "After our trip to Japan we can talk about starting a family". I looked at him not sure whether he was serious this time. I asked if he really meant it and he said he did. I was still a little skeptical after that, but a few days later we were at his mom's when he mentioned that we were going to talk about starting a family next year. I think we are finally headed in the right direction!

I know I've been a little lazy with blog posts recently. I haven't been photographing much lately. It's so cold outside now and everything just looks so blah. I do have a few pictures to share when I feel a little better though. This week I learned how to photograph the moon. Sadly, the night of the lunar eclipse we had a snow storm so I couldn't see it or photograph it, bummer. Yesterday I also got into the baking spirit and made some delicious snowman cake pops. My co-workers and husband gave them rave reviews. I'll post pictures of all that tomorrow hopefully.